is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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