we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
