Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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