We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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