DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
