Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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