my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize