if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
