Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
