Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
