I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
