Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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