Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
