Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Of course I have a pirate flag
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
