No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize