the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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