I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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