If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize