Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
