Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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