I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
