I have demons in me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
