I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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