Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
