guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
