No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
