Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
