i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
