When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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