Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
