is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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