I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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