dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
