in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
