Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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