It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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