My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
