Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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