I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He passed out mid-signature
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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