just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
