oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
