There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
