I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
