we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
