Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
