awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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