my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
