I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
