in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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