i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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