OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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