He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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