He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
