Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
