i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
