I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do vagina's smell?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
