he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm both gender and math confused
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
