i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She bit a glass in half.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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