Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Send help, water and tortillas.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
