i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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