He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag