Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.

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(717): Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision. http://tfl.nu/qwmb

Replies (17) Good night (2793) Bad night (3642)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.

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(413): My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that. http://tfl.nu/auq5

Replies (15) Good night (839) Bad night (5617)
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(513): View more from Ohio

The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon

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(513): The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon http://tfl.nu/vuj3

Replies (10) Good night (4613) Bad night (950)
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(845): View more from New York

i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out

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(845): i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out http://tfl.nu/p8nx

Replies (3) Good night (2938) Bad night (747)
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(707): View more from California

Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.

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(707): Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage. http://tfl.nu/1an1

Replies (3) Good night (2286) Bad night (1174)
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(916): View more from California

Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.

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(916): Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is. http://tfl.nu/ux2h

Replies (19) Good night (2627) Bad night (810)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo

(410): View more from Maryland

Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.

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(410): Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo (410): Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman. http://tfl.nu/b3bx

Replies (2) Good night (1423) Bad night (935)
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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking

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(787): Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking http://tfl.nu/wzvh

Replies (3) Good night (989) Bad night (541)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms

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(781): Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms http://tfl.nu/wx24

Replies (10) Good night (1220) Bad night (711)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.

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(704): She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast. http://tfl.nu/wpj9

Replies (4) Good night (1677) Bad night (558)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!

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(440): I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?! http://tfl.nu/61is

Replies (4) Good night (548) Bad night (224)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.

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(314): I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed. http://tfl.nu/a0tv

Replies (5) Good night (1092) Bad night (240)
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(+61): View more from Australia

You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.

(1+61): View more from

Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?

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(+61): You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek. (1+61): Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before? http://tfl.nu/tcy4

Replies (11) Good night (1856) Bad night (232)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.

(347): View more from New York

Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.

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(989): I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee. (347): Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly. http://tfl.nu/n2ti

Replies (2) Good night (815) Bad night (232)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them

(937): View more from Ohio

Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

Sounds legit to me.

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(937): I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops. (1-937): Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them (937): Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them. (1-937): Sounds legit to me. http://tfl.nu/dn4f

Replies (3) Good night (580) Bad night (277)

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