Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood