Texts From Last Night

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  (718): View more from New York

  Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.

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  (718): Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex. http://tfl.nu/mdk4
  Replies (14) Good night (4875) Bad night (606)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.

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  (937): I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/skfa
  Replies (8) Good night (3854) Bad night (781)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle

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  (904): nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle http://tfl.nu/jw9o
  Replies (55) Good night (5258) Bad night (1420)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.

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  (605): I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry. http://tfl.nu/w271
  Replies (10) Good night (5329) Bad night (1023)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.

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  (781): No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you. http://tfl.nu/cz2r
  Replies (11) Good night (4491) Bad night (993)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?

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  (715): Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet? http://tfl.nu/ptcd
  Replies (14) Good night (3179) Bad night (1015)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...

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  (603): Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa (603): I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel... http://tfl.nu/ns98
  Replies (11) Good night (3368) Bad night (945)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.

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  (240): She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am. http://tfl.nu/ir0l
  Replies (19) Good night (803) Bad night (1284)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.

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  (814): It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it. http://tfl.nu/w90m
  Replies (5) Good night (956) Bad night (372)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.

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  (419): I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems. http://tfl.nu/2nf8
  Replies (8) Good night (1098) Bad night (480)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.

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  (908): I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice. http://tfl.nu/l50v
  Replies (5) Good night (345) Bad night (933)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.

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  (630): And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then. http://tfl.nu/h2gd
  Replies (4) Good night (428) Bad night (420)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.

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  (708): You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice. http://tfl.nu/p63x
  Replies (2) Good night (595) Bad night (290)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.

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  (512): I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down. http://tfl.nu/fm9e
  Replies (3) Good night (362) Bad night (549)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice

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  (401): Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice http://tfl.nu/bbbc
  Replies (0) Good night (345) Bad night (271)

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