OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?