HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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