Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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